Only a Name
by crazymadscience
Summary: What is in a name? To one character on Degrassi, it's everything they've got. One shot. R


**A/N This is rated for language. I would just like to say that the opinions of the main character of this story are not the opinions of the author, ah me, of this story. This is a one shot. See if you can guess who the person is before reading the end. I think I left enough clues, but who knows? Please read and review this, because it was a new type of thing for me to write. (I don't do much in the first person.) Go on and tell me what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even my brain. (I totally sold it to medical science.) Something that I in particular don't own? The characters in this story. They belong to like Yan Moore or some such person, who had the total luck to be connected to Degrassi: TNG, to which I am addicted. **

**Anyway, read!**

I was the girl that no one remembers. Not one soul. Oh, they all knew my name. Oh, yes. And that was all they knew. It was so easy for them. So easy to pretend that I wasn't a person. Wasn't a real human. Where I went to high school, everyone remembers me as only a name.

I'm not going to tell you this story like I am some poor, deranged, hysterical, angsty teen. That's not my style. Well, to tell you the truth, I have no style. See, that never mattered to me, and it never mattered to anyone else. So, that, I guess, is why I never developed into a person. See, I have no true personality. None.

And maybe you are thinking that I am, really, angsty. Well, I can't change your opinion, I can't even influence it, because I'm not a really person; I'm only a name.

I spent my whole life in one school district. I moved up from grade to grade, school to school, rank to rank. I watched as new kids arrived and took places as prominent members of my class, of my school. I watched people love them, and I watched them screw their lives all to hell.

I watched them become people, and you know what? I don't even envy them. Because, they all screwed their lives to hell, and I watched the whole thing.

See, I would watch them mess up so often I developed this awesome talent. I began to be able to predict all the stupid shit that would happen as a consequence to their idiocy. I started to be able to watch them in the beginnings of their fuck-ups, and I knew what would be the result.

I found it hysterical. And you know what? I would never step in and tell them what absolute asses they were being, either. I bet you think I'm a bad person. That is, if you think of me as a person at all. Do remember now, I'm only a name.

See, I was only a name. And when I was at school, I stayed against walls, I sat in the back of classes, and I watched people.

I felt most comfortable against walls. I think this is because my name was scrawled across them so often, and in essence, I was only a name.

So I watched and I laughed.

Paige Michalchuk. Boy, what to say? Well, how about this? To me, she was the ultimate nightmare. It was due to her that the many rumors about me started. It was due to her that my name became unanimously associated with the scum of the earth. That was all her. But, I had a good laugh at her expense. I watched as she made enemies of everyone but her 'friends' in the beginning of high school. I laughed when she got jealous over Spinner Mason, and got her 'friend' Terri drunk. I laughed at that.

And then? Then I saw her heading down a dark road. A terrible road. See, I used to work the concession stands at all of our school games. The teachers all felt sorry for my lack of social entity and they would pretentiously give my after school activities to make me feel appreciated. They did a shitty job; I only felt used.

But, Paige. I saw that boy, Dean, talking to her after a soccer game. I saw, and my incredible ability kicked in, and I knew what would happen. I'm not a _horrible_ name. I did, actually, make an effort to keep that from happening. I tried to call her house. I spent the time calling her, only to have her hang the phone up to derisive laughter after me giving her my name. The only part of me that was real to her, and it wasn't good enough. So, guess what? Fuck Paige.

There were so many other things I laughed at because of her, but they didn't mean anything anymore. She had been one of the first to de-humanize me and now it didn't even feel good to laugh at her.

Oh, but there were others.

Craig Manning. I really thought he was cute, but that all changed the first time I saw him point and laugh at the _Call for a Good Time 256-9566_ scribbled along with my name on a plastic picnic table in the common. And then? Then he was fair game for me to laugh at. His whole escapade with Pretty 'n' Pink Manny vs. Pathetic Poser Punk Ashley provided adequate entertainment for weeks.

Ashley Kerwin. What a trip. For a while she was a Paige flunky, and that automatically meant I despised her. And it was totally hilarious to see her almost get beat out of the school's president race by J.T., the annoying idiot that he is. And when she turned gothic? Yes, I had seen that one coming after the E thing. I know, it's amazing. The walls really do have ears. And guess what? I hear it all.

Manny Santos. I had a good feeling about her. I really did. But, then? Then I just laughed at everyone, no matter what. Because, I was a person to none, so none needed to be a person to me. And Manny was fun to laugh at. I watched her break herself over Craig. I knew that she was being stupid. She was too young, she didn't know anything. I could only imagine what would ensue. Guess what? I was right. She ended up pregnant. For awhile I totally loved her, because her name replaced mine on all the bathroom walls. That didn't last long, though. She turned all respectable and stole Spinner from Paige. I found this endlessly entertaining, and began to consider Manny as maybe being ok.

Emma Nelson. I really have no reason to hate her, other than the simple fact that she spent her life defending the helpless, and she never had a moment to spare for me. I laughed at her, though. When Sean dumped her, I felt my gut cracking open. I knew that would happen, too. I could see it the whole time she sat immersed in anything but him. I heard the rumors, and I pieced it all together. But the way they went down? Price-fucking-less.

Sean Cameron. Oh, not much to say. He's totally an empty vessel. Which, I suppose, was in itself entertaining. But what really did me in? The Gansta act. He was such a profound idiot, that I could not stop laughing at his ridiculous self.

Ellie Nash. Her mother was a drunk and her father was away at war. I really felt for her. Well, I felt as much as a name can feel. I could see it was a deadly combination, and I was just screaming for someone to get the girl help before she did something stupid. You may ask why I didn't do something. By then I was too jaded to give a damn, and she was falling fast. I did not laugh at her scars. But I did laugh at her when she picked up the useless Sean as her next boyfriend. (What with her previous boy-toy turning gay, I guess anything is a step up.)

Marco Del Rossi. Oh, the angsty-ness of being in love with Paige's brother. I really must say that even though Paige managed to move into deeper waters after the Dean fiasco, I still harbored a major dislike for her, and for that matter, her family in general. So I guess that is why I laughed my ass off, when the perfectly awesome Marco fell for a Michalchuk. It was funny to find myself laughing at him, when I thought I'd found someone who I couldn't detest.

Jimmy Brooks. I laughed at him because he was a non-person too. I laughed because he was almost as bad as me, but he did nothing productive with it. He never watched anyone. I felt bad when he got shot, though. I never laughed at that.

Hazel Aden. She just thoroughly annoyed me. Best friend of Paige? No thanks, I think I'll pass. She really sucked, because there wasn't even anything to laugh at.

Toby Issacs. Geek extraordinaire. Nerd in every subject, jack of every computer trade. He was fun to observe. I watched him struggle with his image, and focus on Emma, and then Kendra, I watched him get railroaded by Spinner, humiliated by JT, and laughed at by his peers. I felt for him. I never laughed either. I think he had the closest existence to mine.

J.T. Yorke. I really don't like people who suck up all the attention. There is never enough for everyone, and some people never get any at all. I cannot stand people who get all of it. I never laughed at him either. I didn't sympathize with him, though. Oh, no. He wanted people to laugh at him, and he completely pissed me off. I would never do what he wanted.

You probably see me as a monster. Someone who likes to ridicule, and has no heart? Well, you should do what I do. You should blame my state of being of the collective disinterest of my school.

But, you are right; I do not have a heart. I am only a name, and a name has nothing but letters.

I bet you don't even know who I am. Go on, try and guess.

I am only a name, and my name is Heather Sinclair.


End file.
